Freaking out!

I spoke too soon. I don't think I'm ever ready for marriage, let alone engage. Because somehow I know or feel that my marriage won't last long.

A simpler way to put it.

Whatever I do, was never APPRECIATED!

Whatever I say, was never HEARD!

Whatever I felt, was never BOTHERED!

COMMUNICATION is never there! It's so hard to talk to him nowadays. Always.

Ok, so here's the weird thing. Today I just found out my uncle, paternal side, was admitted to hospital due to virus in his heart. What's weird?

First, I dreamt someone looked like my late grandma, came to my house. She was fat and looks exactly like my grandma. I was shocked then my mum said, "This is your grandma's sister"... something like that. My late grandma's siblings all had passed on except one. Brother.

Second, I dreamt about my uncle, the one admitted to hospital. He was cleaning the windows outside. The one that maid usually died of. So we shouted his name and asked him to go back inside. He looked at us, laughed, did some stunt and... he fell. I saw blood.

Thirdly, I dreamt about my late grandma again. Exactly the same dream I had the first time but this time round, she's thin.

So, I was shocked to find out my uncle was admitted to hospital. What does grandma had to do with it? Erm, nothing? But I just hope and pray to God nothing will happen.

Ok. Back to my research. And I just found out I have no freaking vacations!!! After attachment, weekend, then back to school. Argh!

Love,
nUr