I spoke too soon. I don't think I'm ever ready for marriage, let alone engage. Because somehow I know or feel that my marriage won't last long.
A simpler way to put it.
Whatever I do, was never APPRECIATED!
Whatever I say, was never HEARD!
Whatever I felt, was never BOTHERED!
COMMUNICATION is never there! It's so hard to talk to him nowadays. Always.
Ok, so here's the weird thing. Today I just found out my uncle, paternal side, was admitted to hospital due to virus in his heart. What's weird?
First, I dreamt someone looked like my late grandma, came to my house. She was fat and looks exactly like my grandma. I was shocked then my mum said, "This is your grandma's sister"... something like that. My late grandma's siblings all had passed on except one. Brother.
Second, I dreamt about my uncle, the one admitted to hospital. He was cleaning the windows outside. The one that maid usually died of. So we shouted his name and asked him to go back inside. He looked at us, laughed, did some stunt and... he fell. I saw blood.
Thirdly, I dreamt about my late grandma again. Exactly the same dream I had the first time but this time round, she's thin.
So, I was shocked to find out my uncle was admitted to hospital. What does grandma had to do with it? Erm, nothing? But I just hope and pray to God nothing will happen.
Ok. Back to my research. And I just found out I have no freaking vacations!!! After attachment, weekend, then back to school. Argh!
Love,
nUr
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Have a nice Anniversary!
1745hr. Today. Make-up removed. Clothes in the washing machine. I have stop hoping.
He had 3 choices:
1 - Friday. Still can meet up.
2 - Saturday. Optional.
3 - Today, Sunday.
It would be nice if he chooses opt 3 because it's our darn anniversary! 6 years & 1 month. We do celebrate it monthly unless busy but we always make time for it. And today he had 2 choices:
1 - Me OR
2 - his darn helmet (something about his cutting helmet's strap bla bla bla)
Isn't it obvious? Went to madrasah. Dressed up. Because I'm still hoping. Reached home around 1550hr. Still hoping. 1745hr. Forget it. Tomorrow? Don't think about it. I don't wanna.
I won't complain anymore. Many hints given. "Are you free on weekend?". "I feel like eating at Sakura"... bla bla bla. I still had the coupons for Sakura and Bali Thai which Ayun get which expire 30 April 2009. I'm not gonna do anything about it. I already told him. If he wants to go out with me, he plans. I won't remind him anymore.
Have a nice Happy Anniversary!
Love,
nUr
He had 3 choices:
1 - Friday. Still can meet up.
2 - Saturday. Optional.
3 - Today, Sunday.
It would be nice if he chooses opt 3 because it's our darn anniversary! 6 years & 1 month. We do celebrate it monthly unless busy but we always make time for it. And today he had 2 choices:
1 - Me OR
2 - his darn helmet (something about his cutting helmet's strap bla bla bla)
Isn't it obvious? Went to madrasah. Dressed up. Because I'm still hoping. Reached home around 1550hr. Still hoping. 1745hr. Forget it. Tomorrow? Don't think about it. I don't wanna.
I won't complain anymore. Many hints given. "Are you free on weekend?". "I feel like eating at Sakura"... bla bla bla. I still had the coupons for Sakura and Bali Thai which Ayun get which expire 30 April 2009. I'm not gonna do anything about it. I already told him. If he wants to go out with me, he plans. I won't remind him anymore.
Have a nice Happy Anniversary!
Love,
nUr
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
P-I-S-S-I-N-G
Seriously, I hate my ITP. It's killing me!!! I'm bored to death. Then there's this one staff, let's call her 'A'. I don't like her. Fine! So I was late. 10 mins. When I came in, she looked at me like one kind. I was about to say 'Good Morning' but with face like that, 'Go to hell!' After I sat for awhile, she called for me. I went to her and once again she looked at me and kind of walked off. Was about to when I called for her and she said the pantry is my job. No need for her to remind me. She said with a smile or laugh. The kind that not... sincere? I don't know but you what I mean right? I know it's my job but I just did it once. Like a few weeks back. Someone had already did it when I came so I thought today someone has done it already too. The job is simple. Boil water. Hah!
And then today I had to give the whatever job sheets, need her to sign and stuff. She had to come to me a few times, telling me to fill in this and that, I forgot this and that. She said she hated to remind me and stuff. Oh yah, she said with a laugh at the end. Maybe she doesn't want me to know she's kinda mad at me. Hah! Of course I need you to remind me. I don't understand your instructions because you are mumbling and second, you are speaking through your nose. Then last two weeks job sheet I had to give to my supervisor which I don't know because 'A' just gave me the paper after signing without telling me. Then once again, she pissed off at me. Whatever! I just can't wait for this ITP to end.
Of course the other two interns can click with the staff here because they are all of the same race. And of course, this company here is 100% related to the course they are studying. Then there's this intern forever kan-chong.
Tomorrow I'll be the first the come. If not, at least I will come before 'A' and when she walks in, turn her head to the right, there I am. This place is not welcoming at all. Well, a few of them are very kind like my supervisor. The boss? I won't say much.
Seriously, I'm bored and I'm reading this book called, 'The Present'. The Secret to Enjoying Your Work and Life, Now. So, I'm trying to enjoy the present.
I'm so pissed off at a lot of people. From my ITP to my work place.
So lesson learnt. Find your own company for internship. Find something you like then it will be enjoyable. Adios!
And then today I had to give the whatever job sheets, need her to sign and stuff. She had to come to me a few times, telling me to fill in this and that, I forgot this and that. She said she hated to remind me and stuff. Oh yah, she said with a laugh at the end. Maybe she doesn't want me to know she's kinda mad at me. Hah! Of course I need you to remind me. I don't understand your instructions because you are mumbling and second, you are speaking through your nose. Then last two weeks job sheet I had to give to my supervisor which I don't know because 'A' just gave me the paper after signing without telling me. Then once again, she pissed off at me. Whatever! I just can't wait for this ITP to end.
Of course the other two interns can click with the staff here because they are all of the same race. And of course, this company here is 100% related to the course they are studying. Then there's this intern forever kan-chong.
Tomorrow I'll be the first the come. If not, at least I will come before 'A' and when she walks in, turn her head to the right, there I am. This place is not welcoming at all. Well, a few of them are very kind like my supervisor. The boss? I won't say much.
Seriously, I'm bored and I'm reading this book called, 'The Present'. The Secret to Enjoying Your Work and Life, Now. So, I'm trying to enjoy the present.
I'm so pissed off at a lot of people. From my ITP to my work place.
So lesson learnt. Find your own company for internship. Find something you like then it will be enjoyable. Adios!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Mad for Nothing
"I love everything about you"... Teet! That is seriously BS. Come on. You gotta admit it. There's no way you going to love everything about your significant other. When you're quarelling, everything will come out. "This is why or what I don't like about you...bla bla...." Hey, there's always flaws, and a relationship with no arguments?... Too perfect almost too boring. But of course, no couple likes that.
Haha. You know that Ne-yo song Mad? There's one part saying, "Fighting 'bout nothing". I think that's what I like, or rather love, to do to Ayun. Suke carik pasal. Agaknye Nur dah boring. Rase macam dier jarang layan Nur gitu. Sometimes my Ayun is just too cute. Torturing him is fun. DomiNURtrix! hahahaha....
Gotta a secret to tell you. Yesterday,.... nothing. It's a secret. All I know is Ayun cannot send me to school or work or wherever, because then, I will hate to see him go.
Here's a big thing. To me, at least. My Ayun is ready to take our relationship to the next step. Ready means when he finds a proper job which he said soon. And when comes the 'soon', he said end of this year. Here's why it freaks me out. Because I think I'm not ready. Ready as in I'm still childish? I don't know. I still think macam cepat. Whether schooling or not, still cepat. Let me put it this way, "This is who I am and this is what I like. GC, Sum and Blink and MXPX rocking my room. If you look for me then I'll be at the show... I don't wanna be told to grow up".... got it?
Okay. And by ready also means when I found another job. My current job, nah uh, cannot make it. At my age, my current position I would say not for me. Promotion? Fat hope. It's true what Nana said. F&B sector, lots of boot licking. I just hope Ayun agree to me working as... what he's doing now. Tu pun tunggu lesen. Haha. I did try applying for a few jobs but maybe I'm a student that's why. And I need flexibility. So yah... Ayun knows how bagedil I am. Tak kasi tetap buat kan? Little Miss Stubborn. :)
Anyways, right now I'm doing a research for a simple dress. Let's just say I'm making my own simple tunang dress.
Criteria untuk tunang-
Ayun must have a proper job.
Nur, change job.
My dress must be ready.
A simple affair will do.
Love,
nUr
Haha. You know that Ne-yo song Mad? There's one part saying, "Fighting 'bout nothing". I think that's what I like, or rather love, to do to Ayun. Suke carik pasal. Agaknye Nur dah boring. Rase macam dier jarang layan Nur gitu. Sometimes my Ayun is just too cute. Torturing him is fun. DomiNURtrix! hahahaha....
Gotta a secret to tell you. Yesterday,.... nothing. It's a secret. All I know is Ayun cannot send me to school or work or wherever, because then, I will hate to see him go.
Here's a big thing. To me, at least. My Ayun is ready to take our relationship to the next step. Ready means when he finds a proper job which he said soon. And when comes the 'soon', he said end of this year. Here's why it freaks me out. Because I think I'm not ready. Ready as in I'm still childish? I don't know. I still think macam cepat. Whether schooling or not, still cepat. Let me put it this way, "This is who I am and this is what I like. GC, Sum and Blink and MXPX rocking my room. If you look for me then I'll be at the show... I don't wanna be told to grow up".... got it?
Okay. And by ready also means when I found another job. My current job, nah uh, cannot make it. At my age, my current position I would say not for me. Promotion? Fat hope. It's true what Nana said. F&B sector, lots of boot licking. I just hope Ayun agree to me working as... what he's doing now. Tu pun tunggu lesen. Haha. I did try applying for a few jobs but maybe I'm a student that's why. And I need flexibility. So yah... Ayun knows how bagedil I am. Tak kasi tetap buat kan? Little Miss Stubborn. :)
Anyways, right now I'm doing a research for a simple dress. Let's just say I'm making my own simple tunang dress.
Criteria untuk tunang-
Ayun must have a proper job.
Nur, change job.
My dress must be ready.
A simple affair will do.
Love,
nUr
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