Wedding Dreams

I just had to blog this down. I had a dream. Now only it suddenly ting! I dreamt about my wedding. I was preparing for my wedding. It was like the whole show case of wedding dias, clothings and stuff like those in expo and there's only me. Only for me. Well, I know Ayun was there somewhere. The best part was, there's a horse carriage. Just like I wanted for my wedding.

Let me give out a loud HAHA!! I'm sure there's no escort so please give me my horse! But, confirm kene reject. Pfft! I'm happy. Even though it was just a dream but me still happy. But I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna get those horse carriage of mine and a pram like this :D



But it would be nice to have it in white and lacey, like Victorian style.

P/S: My blog needs a make-over

Love,
nUr

Stop Crying

I keep telling myself to stop crying like half an hour ago. I wanted to quit but I have to keep trying. But everytime I try, I got turned down. It's been ages since my bf and I had dates. We seemed to never go out anymore. No more quality time spend. Yes, I did understand he has to work but if I can make time for him, why not him? Yes, he does love me. I do feel his love lately. Like I always said, walk the talk. "Saying 'I love you' is not the words I want to hear from you..."

Ok, to make things clear, I'm not crying because I got turned down. I'm crying because I'm afraid of what I'm going to do. Ok, it's not like I have the intention to do it. I'm just afraid I might do it. I'm afraid I might find myself another boyfriend. That would hurt Ayun very badly. But if this goes on, I'm afraid it might happen. And I will never blame him.

But I have a secret. Not a secret anymore. Not afraid to say it here cause Ayun is an internet noob. Not IT savvy at all. So here goes; my reason to ask him out is to let him know that we are going to get engage. Let's just say, I'm going to propose to him. I planned it out already. Once again, he's a surprise spoiler. I'm giving ourselves 3 months to prepare. But whatever...

love,
nUr

Not meant to be

Guess what? I had my TP today. Guess what? I got 12 points. :). Guess what? 1 Immediate Failure! :( I don't know what happened but I kinda lose control of the bike, braked quite hard and my right foot came down. My tester called my number and he said, "Bagus nie 12 points tapi sayang...?". It was at the starting point, depan2 tester. Nevermind. Bukan rezeki. But then, kene tunggu till 28 October for my TP again. So long...

Anyways, I'm still quite pissed. Takpe lah. I think I know behind the reason for not passing my TP.

Ok. Selamat Hari Raya!

Love,
nUr

I Lost My Faith

Today I told Aziz that I lost faith in marriage. So, how can someone lost the faith when she haven't go through it? The one closest to me, of course my family, doesn't have problems with marriage. Relatives. Yes. Friends. Yes. When people asked me when I'm getting married, I have no straight answer. So, I've been with Ayun like 6 years now, of course it's time but I don't know if it can last forever.

Then, watched Tyra Banks show just now. About pregnancy and she smokes. My Ayun smokes which I hate. I told him if we were to get married and he doesn't stop smoking, no children. About the lady at Tyra Show. Her family has no history of asthma but because of smoking, her two children had asthma. I told myself if I had a baby and it has asthma or any illness due to smoking, I will blame Ayun (if he still smokes). But if he quits and we had a baby after that, it has illness like asthma, I will accept its fate. So the best I think, well I already plan, after marriage, I will give Ayun (if he's my husband) one year to quit smoking. Or else no baby. If he wanted so much to have a family, he has my permission for second wife. Really.

I don't want to think negative especially the marriage part. But, we may never know the future. In twenty years time, will we be as loving as now? Sucks huh. Ok, thinking about the book, Who Moved My Cheese? I think I will worry about the future, well in the future. The present is important to me right NOW. Live without worry.

I hope my Ayun will read this blog. It's hard to tell him what I think. He will either lost his mood or ignore it. If this is how things are, how are we going to get married when there's no communication? I seems to have more and more reasons not to tie the knot.

Love,
nUr

So Materialistic!

I admit I am. So many things to buy, I wonder whether I need it. First of all, I need to clear my 2B license ASAP. Tak tahan babe. Makin syiok naik motor. Haha. I still like got 6 lessons to go, if i manage to survive. Next lesson is my 4.02. U-turn and pillion too. Did a try out on Friday. A okay. Did a calculation hopefully I will be able to finish by July.

Will wait for Ayun's payday. Then I will use his pay slip and buy laptop through installment. I even asked my girlfriend to help, she is willing to. My motherboard spoil again and my stubborn father still wanted to sent for repair. I asked for new laptop, which I will pay installment to him, but guess what he bought? Another flat screen LCD. Seriously, I was pissed off. Because I my school is important, and my brother fucking desktop has too much programmes and games, which will cause lag, so I can't use my CS4.

Next, saving up money for school study trip to China. September. I decided to go because it will be on fasting month and it will be great to see how the Muslim people in China celebrate Ramadan.

Next, trade in my Samsung F408 for Sony Ericsson W705. Then maybe trade in my Canon 1000D for 450D? How about 50D? Then saving up for iPod Touch 14gb. Then $$ for dentist, Baby's vaccination and what else? Erm, June is coming, so GSS? hahahaha

I need to discipline myself to spend only at the end of the month.

love,
nUr

B.S

I never liked wedding escorts. Dunno why. Sometimes it's fun to watch their actions and stuff, but never asked me to follow.

And if I were to marry Ayun, he wanted bike escorts. Well, honey, thanks for my CRASHING my dream wedding! Because I always knew where I stand. Whatever!

Anyways, fined for smoking Shisha was totally BS. First of all, I'm a non-smoker. Ok, here's the thing. Haji Lane is a hot spot for? Shisha. And majority of them, well in fact, people who went there, their intentions or motives would be? To smoke shisha. So, why would a non-smoker would want go there? I mean, when we asked our friends to go to Haji Lane, obviously to smoke shisha. You get my point right?

If some shops around the shisha shops were still open, then it's understandable, not to smoke near the shops or sit around there. But at night, the shops are closed, and shisha shops are the ones that are open. So come on, loosen up a bit, would ya?

Darn. Can't get out of this country.

Love,
nUr

So What!

Watching S Factor as I type. The debates had passed. I don't like Sonia and Michelle. Personally, hate Sonia the most. They said Kris was unattractive. Look, I'm not a fan of this kind of show but there's nothing else to watch. And Sonia just got eliminated. Great! So what if she's a good-looking girl.

"People are all the same
And we only get judged by what we do
Personality reflects name
And if I'm ugly then
So are you"

She said people hate her because she's pretty. I hate her because she was mean. Pretty girls are mean girls! I know a few. That's why I try not to judge or criticize people. That's why I like that girl who auditioned for FHM. The one who said, "I have the face of the cover". True, she's not that attractive but, I like her confidence. She don't care. Who cares! So what! <--- I like this phrase by Tyra.

I'm fat. So what!
I'm unattractive. So what!
I'm short. So what!

Haha... New school semester tomorrow. My last year. Monday blues! 8am to 6pm.

Love,
nUr