Stop Crying

I keep telling myself to stop crying like half an hour ago. I wanted to quit but I have to keep trying. But everytime I try, I got turned down. It's been ages since my bf and I had dates. We seemed to never go out anymore. No more quality time spend. Yes, I did understand he has to work but if I can make time for him, why not him? Yes, he does love me. I do feel his love lately. Like I always said, walk the talk. "Saying 'I love you' is not the words I want to hear from you..."

Ok, to make things clear, I'm not crying because I got turned down. I'm crying because I'm afraid of what I'm going to do. Ok, it's not like I have the intention to do it. I'm just afraid I might do it. I'm afraid I might find myself another boyfriend. That would hurt Ayun very badly. But if this goes on, I'm afraid it might happen. And I will never blame him.

But I have a secret. Not a secret anymore. Not afraid to say it here cause Ayun is an internet noob. Not IT savvy at all. So here goes; my reason to ask him out is to let him know that we are going to get engage. Let's just say, I'm going to propose to him. I planned it out already. Once again, he's a surprise spoiler. I'm giving ourselves 3 months to prepare. But whatever...

love,
nUr